Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Craig's List Personal's

Actually Posted to Craig's List Personals... To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in downtown Savannah the night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM EST I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded Ihand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason thatevening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend hadjust bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas,and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed atyour head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of funwalking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludgeflopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since youalso ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. Icouldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you tryto mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her yoursituation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gasstation this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guywith the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van GoGo's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. I threw the walletin a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke thewindshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called abunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on yourbill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut downthe line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, soI don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven'tpermanently cut off your service. I could only get in two threateningphone calls to the D A 's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guywas really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and insteadmaking you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'llreconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. - Alex P. S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

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